Have you ever felt like the world where your cherished relationships once thrived is suddenly set ablaze, and nothing can stop the fire without complete destruction? And you know what’s going on but still refuse to believe and take action.
I know what’s going on around me, but I choose to ignore it. I somewhat know what you do when you’re not with me, and I don’t care. All I care about is who you are when you’re with me. To be honest, you are the best and most lovely person to me in those moments. I cherish every moment with you and always will. I don’t know how, but you have become a really big part of my life. You are the sunlight, filled with hope and joy, in my dark and dead life.
There’s no doubt that I love you. Maybe I failed somewhere in showing my love and trust in you. I still remember the day (yes, I don’t remember the date, as you know I’m bad at remembering dates) when we first met and had our initial conversations. I remember everything you’ve ever done for me. Do you recall that one time we had a fight (practically, I was the one who refused to talk to you) and after a long time, when we reconciled, we made a promise to always sort out misunderstandings by talking? We also promised that if we ever found any problematic behavior in each other, we would point it out so it could be improved. We’ve both grown a lot since then, and it looks like we’ve kept our promises and made our bond stronger.
Guess what? It was always me keeping those promises. Now, when I look at you, you’re a different person. I don’t know what your likes and dislikes are anymore. All I know is that you’ve been busy the whole day and are now tired of everything going on in your life. Whenever you say you’ll call me back, I keep waiting for the call, but it never comes.
I share every bit of my life with you. And you? Can you imagine how I feel when I find out what’s going on in your life through a mutual friend, even though I was with you just a couple of days ago? How would you feel if someone who’s been like a sister to you for years suddenly feels like a stranger? I don’t know the person you’ve become. I know nothing about your life. You are not honest with me.
Oh, how I used to share every song I found about friendships with you. Do you remember the long text I wrote to you as a letter last month, telling you how I was feeling? I bet you never read it in the first place, because if you had, you would have texted me something for sure. I wanted to question you about that, but I stopped, thinking I shouldn’t doubt you. Now when I think about it, I feel like a certified stupid. I can’t keep all these questions sitting on my heart to myself anymore.
We claimed to be ‘sisters from another mother,’ and now I’m questioning myself because of your behavior. I want to cry, but I can’t, because crying would mean accepting everything, and losing my trust in you.
Even now, after knowing how you see me, I will act like I never knew anything in the first place. Deep inside I know. I know those things are true, but I still refuse to believe.
