Would you be able to ask for help if, all your life, your own people made you feel that their actions were not out of love but rather favors for which you owe them?
Asking for help can be a vulnerable yet empowering experience. It often brings a sense of hope and relief, knowing that you don’t have to face challenges alone. The act of reaching out fosters a deeper connection and reminds us of the strength found in human kindness and support.
I’m not opposed to asking for help. It’s just that my past experiences haven’t been great. I completely understand how a person might feel when they have other ways to cope but still feel hopeless and vulnerable. They might feel desperate and full of hope as they ask for help, hoping this time will be different and someone will genuinely understand and support them.
Is it so hard for people to help someone once and not keep bragging their whole life as if it was a favor out of pity?
As a child, I was unaware of favors. The only thing I knew was that helping is a sign of love and support. Growing up, I began to see a different side of people around me—people who would remind me constantly of the favors they did for me. It became regular to listen to the family member telling me how I should be extra grateful for the things they did for me as no one else would have done the same. And how they feel burdened because they have to do things for me.
Another common but funny scenario is when casual friends offer to help me with my struggles and then expect something in return. Even after I decline their help, they still proceed and later come back, expecting something in return. Shouldn’t they be upfront about their expectations? I wasn’t dying to be helped by you.
Shouldn’t you help me simply because you care about me or because we’re friends? Aren’t friends and family meant to support each other in times of need?
It’s not that I’m unaware that people usually expect something in return, but you can’t forcefully help me and then call it a favor, reminding me of how much you pitied me. It’s almost amusing because my best friend and I have both faced these situations with different friends numerous times.
I understand that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but dealing with toxic friends in the past, and currently, a family member has made it hard for me to ask for help even when I desperately need it.
I now simply refuse to be helped.
You might expect this from some random friends, but not from a family member who practically raised you. It really hurts.
People can be cruel.
However, I’ve also seen the good side of people’s helping nature. I myself always volunteer to help others whenever I can, without expecting anything in return. This belief in helping others selflessly comes from my grandfather, who always lived this way and till now continues to help whoever he can. As a psychology student, I now understand the significance of seeking assistance and providing support to others.
Unfortunately, a larger part of my psyche is biased towards the negative aspects of my experiences rather than positive ones.
I have a limited number of people I trust to ask for help, but my mind is always worried about whether they might turn out to be like my past friends. I am trying to overcome this fear and hope that someday I definitely will.
